last.year ....

last.year. i found my lightness of self again.


last.year. i found the fucktastic shades of red lover in me. and the stockings lover in me. and the frilly lace lingerie lover in me. i found many lovers in me. it was epic.

last.year. i found beloved old parts of me resurfacing bearing the marks of the past 11 years but not in a bad way. more.mature. more.complete. more.complex. more.intricate. more.layered. more.the.best.parts.of.me. essentially.

last.year. i regained my center, my footing and discovered that my core is stronger and more cohesive than i thought.

last.year. i stood at the D Day landing beaches in Normandy on a cold winter night and morning and had a resounding perspective of life of self. you can't stand in a place where so many died and not feel small. so small. 

last.year. i let art guide me. Mnemosyne and Melancholia took me by the hand because i allowed them to do so and changed me and the ride is just beginning. (wait till they're both framed and hanging and i see them every day on my walls). i had missed my deep dark passions, they always take me to better places and make me a better person.

last.year. i let people in more than i used to.

last.year. i became way better at getting rid of baggage and unwanted people. i also became way better at blocking outside noise. i have my life. others have theirs. distance and perspective are essential.

last.year. i figured out some hangups and worked really hard on my.self. to overcome them. awareness and acknowledgment are where change begins. you can't change what you don't acknowledge. 

last.year. i truly forgave myself at last for my suicide attempts.

last.year. i finally fell truly.madly.deeply. in love with myself.

last.year. i resumed at last and the story keeps writing itself...