i fluffy heart the The Art Institute of Chicago to no end, they recreated the 1913 Armory Show (aka The International Exhibition of Modern Art, aka when Avant Garde art entered the scene) on the Web ... this is beyond precious!!! all modernists come on down!!!!!
check it out here: http://extras.artic.edu/armoryshow
28.2.13
diseases and relationships
"I see a lot of people getting divorced after the crisis of treatment subsides. These wounds cut deep"
any serious illness can cause a great divide, be it physical or mental, it takes a special kind of person to be in it for the long haul and only a truly oblivious person will think that the long haul means there are no hurdles, pitfalls and rough spots ...
part of me becoming absolutely ruthless about owning my personal history of mental disorder and eating disorders is because i am fully aware that my stability is a life long struggle and i absolutely refuse to have anybody tell me 'that he was unaware of this' ...
in the course of my illness and therapy stint i lost boyfriends and friends ... that's ok: i didn't lose anybody i am not better off without ...
to this day this has become my best character assessment tool ... just be honest, don't fucking lie to people about who you are and what you can handle. there's nothing worse than that for somebody who is already dealing with so much.
i did it all on my own, i really don't need you to do anything for me, other than be whomever you claim to be ... if you are not able, that's ok, we'll all just move the fuck on! courage and the heart it takes is just not for everybody, it's that simple!
please read «Women with cancer: Cancer and my Marriage»: http://womenwcancer.blogspot.pt/2013/02/cancer-and-my-marriage.html?m=1
any serious illness can cause a great divide, be it physical or mental, it takes a special kind of person to be in it for the long haul and only a truly oblivious person will think that the long haul means there are no hurdles, pitfalls and rough spots ...
part of me becoming absolutely ruthless about owning my personal history of mental disorder and eating disorders is because i am fully aware that my stability is a life long struggle and i absolutely refuse to have anybody tell me 'that he was unaware of this' ...
in the course of my illness and therapy stint i lost boyfriends and friends ... that's ok: i didn't lose anybody i am not better off without ...
to this day this has become my best character assessment tool ... just be honest, don't fucking lie to people about who you are and what you can handle. there's nothing worse than that for somebody who is already dealing with so much.
i did it all on my own, i really don't need you to do anything for me, other than be whomever you claim to be ... if you are not able, that's ok, we'll all just move the fuck on! courage and the heart it takes is just not for everybody, it's that simple!
please read «Women with cancer: Cancer and my Marriage»: http://womenwcancer.blogspot.pt/2013/02/cancer-and-my-marriage.html?m=1
27.2.13
diseases and life decisions
thoughts on disease motivated life decisions ... and thinking about our life is something we all need to do more: who do we want to be, what life do we want to have and lead ... http://thestir.cafemom.com/healthy_living/151653/im_having_a_double_mastectomy
you should also take the time to go through Joanna's blog:http://thestir.cafemom.com/column/mommy_has_cancer
it's thriving and full of life and reflects the contradictions of discovering you have 'the bad kind' of cancer the day you gave birth to your first child ... the story keeps writing itself and she is fighting the good fight for herself and her child ... there is no time for bs or unimportant things, perhaps more of this is needed all around, with or without cancer in your life ...
you should also take the time to go through Joanna's blog:http://thestir.cafemom.com/column/mommy_has_cancer
it's thriving and full of life and reflects the contradictions of discovering you have 'the bad kind' of cancer the day you gave birth to your first child ... the story keeps writing itself and she is fighting the good fight for herself and her child ... there is no time for bs or unimportant things, perhaps more of this is needed all around, with or without cancer in your life ...
24.2.13
understanding suicide
not alone!
Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison on suicide: «we think it's rare, because we want to think it's rare. because we don't want to talk about it, and if we don't talk about it, it doesn't seem common. but in fact a million people worldwide each year kill themselves.»
Kay Redfield Jamison is Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University, and she also suffers from bipolar disorder and has tried to kill herself. so for a refreshing change this is not some doctor making assumptions on something s/he doesn't know first hand ... it makes all the difference!
Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison on suicide: «we think it's rare, because we want to think it's rare. because we don't want to talk about it, and if we don't talk about it, it doesn't seem common. but in fact a million people worldwide each year kill themselves.»
Kay Redfield Jamison is Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University, and she also suffers from bipolar disorder and has tried to kill herself. so for a refreshing change this is not some doctor making assumptions on something s/he doesn't know first hand ... it makes all the difference!
21.2.13
What Happens Now?
«what happens now?!» was one of the greatest questions in my life in the wake of suicide attempts ... now?! now, you start rebuilding your life, one moment at a time. you.are.not.alone!
love & light
20.2.13
on adversity
“Adversity is like a strong wind. I don't mean just that it holds us back from places we might otherwise go. It also tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that afterward we see ourselves as we really are, and not merely as we might like to be.” Arthur Golden (Memoirs of a Geisha)
... so, so true ... but i do get why some - too many - prefer the fictions (i.e. lies!) of and about their selves, it's easier to live a lie. lack of backbone + intellectual/emotional honesty = killer combo ... *distance please*
... so, so true ... but i do get why some - too many - prefer the fictions (i.e. lies!) of and about their selves, it's easier to live a lie. lack of backbone + intellectual/emotional honesty = killer combo ... *distance please*
on the changing faces of dementia
when minds slip away soon than expected and never come back, what does that mean for those in the blast radius area, so to speak ...
the cerebral heavy hitters like Parkinson's, ALS and Alzheimer's tend to hog the spotlight, but the truth is many people are simply misdiagnosed ...
more information here:
- http://www.psp.org/
- http://brainblogger.com/category/neuroscience-neurology/
- http://www.bdfa-uk.org.uk/?gclid=CKPRh4a5wrUCFcLHtAodIRQA4w
- http://www.americanbraincoalition.org/
- http://blog.tedmed.com/?p=2754
the cerebral heavy hitters like Parkinson's, ALS and Alzheimer's tend to hog the spotlight, but the truth is many people are simply misdiagnosed ...
more information here:
- http://www.psp.org/
- http://brainblogger.com/category/neuroscience-neurology/
- http://www.bdfa-uk.org.uk/?gclid=CKPRh4a5wrUCFcLHtAodIRQA4w
- http://www.americanbraincoalition.org/
- http://blog.tedmed.com/?p=2754
19.2.13
categories of agency and decision
«What had stuck with me was Plath’s loss of agency; once someone decides that you are mentally ill and need treatment, there’s a sort of inevitability to whatever happens next—you’ve been put into a new category, and you no longer decide what happens to you.»
true, there's a moment of absolute loss and confusion, where you question the makeup of every single cell in your body, especially the brain cells, you question and doubt yourself furiously. add suicide attempts and eating disorders to the mix and you have an intense cocktail where everybody tells you that you are not yourself (as if they know who you truly are. i mean, how can they when they have never had not have been granted access to one's true self. they could not handle it even if they wanted to) and that they know what's best for you.
the road to reclaiming yourself, your voice over yourself and your life (and by extension you body) is long, and even after you have been discharge from therapy, there are moments sometimes when you find yourself questioning your cells once again, but that is just a trick of light, old demons trying to mess with your mind ... but nothing more. for better or for worse, we have found our voice and must hold on to it for dear life, lest we lose it again.
and whenever somebody tries to tell us they know what's best for us (you know the people i mean, the one's who have never faced the long night of the soul and think going out for coffee is what we need, among other idiocies) ... fuck and off are the appropriate responses. they never did, they never will.
no matter your so called category: never give your agency and your power of decision. for all my mistakes, it was only when i reclaimed those that i finally started making good decisions, instead of allowing myself to be cornered and doing things i never wanted to do (like taking antidepressants for 9 months) which was what others felt was what i should be doing. i was right and i should've held my ground, but i was too tired to fight so many things and people at the same time. the cost: an additional suicide attempt. ou live and you learn!
it gets better. show up. fight. reclaim your life and your voice. do not let somebody else write your life's story ... it's already bad enough that we lose so many pieces of ourselves along the way. some absolutely have to go, but others are just collateral damage that cannot be undone, you accept it, but it's still a sad affair!
courage, it means heart!
please read: What Sylvia Plath Ruined for Me
11.2.13
not alone
on the 50th anniversary of Sylvia Plath's, as a suicide survivor i have to say: you.are.not.alone!
ask for help. know that yes, some people won't get it and will suck and make you feel even more drained. but there are people who do get it. who know you are more than ok. that it does get better. that have been there and/or are still there. tap into that energy and that love. own your truth. being broken isn't the end. it's the beginning. talk. yell. scream. make yourself heard. if by nobody else, then by yourself.
discover you are not alone here:
- http://www.twloha.com/index.php
- http://herewecollide.com/
- http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
ps: and near me too ;) ♥
ask for help. know that yes, some people won't get it and will suck and make you feel even more drained. but there are people who do get it. who know you are more than ok. that it does get better. that have been there and/or are still there. tap into that energy and that love. own your truth. being broken isn't the end. it's the beginning. talk. yell. scream. make yourself heard. if by nobody else, then by yourself.
discover you are not alone here:
- http://www.twloha.com/index.php
- http://herewecollide.com/
- http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
- http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
ps: and near me too ;) ♥
50 years post-suicide. what remains?!
what remains is not the loss but the emotions ... take stock and look at yourself and your life ... it's never too late ...
“I think my mother was extraordinary in her work, and valiant in her efforts to fight the depression that had dogged her throughout her life. She used every emotional experience as if it were a scrap of material that could be pieced together to make a wonderful dress; she wasted nothing of what she felt, and when in control of those tumultuous feelings she was able to focus and direct her incredible poetic energy to great effect.” Frieda Hughes describing her mother, Sylvia Plath
“I think my mother was extraordinary in her work, and valiant in her efforts to fight the depression that had dogged her throughout her life. She used every emotional experience as if it were a scrap of material that could be pieced together to make a wonderful dress; she wasted nothing of what she felt, and when in control of those tumultuous feelings she was able to focus and direct her incredible poetic energy to great effect.” Frieda Hughes describing her mother, Sylvia Plath
the power in her voice ... it carries ... it charges ...
documentary (so so but fab footage)
Sylvia and the enemy
“And by the way, everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ―Sylvia Plath
10.2.13
Canine Veterans at last!
thank you! thank you! thank you! about freaking time!!
«Many more people became aware of "war dogs" after the coverage of Rebecca Frankel at "Foreign Policy"
The use of dogs for bomb detection and other missions during war-time has been ongoing for years.
What many people may not know is that historically these remarkable animals were left behind, like other "military equipment." The most recent NDAA changed that classification, paving the way for them to be considered canine veterans.
You can read more about war dogs here:
«On January 2, 2013, President Obama signed into law the National Defense Authorization Act for FY2013 (H.R. 4310) THAT DECLARES THAT OUR MILITARY WORKING DOGS OF ALL BREEDS WILL NO LONGER BE CLASSIFIED AS "MILITARY EQUIPMENT" TO BE LEFT BEHIND IN FOREIGN LANDS...BUT AS MILITARY VETERANS. THESE DOGS NOW WILL BE RETURNING TO LACKLAND AFB IN SAN ANTONIO TEXAS FOR THEIR SERVICES AS US HEROES. THEY WILL BE EVALUATED, AND RETRAINED AND RE-HOMED IF NEEDED. Finally getting the treatment they deserve. They don't deserve to serve our country and get left behind.» Chad Packethic Bellows
9.2.13
«Saving Hubble»
space peeps, come hither! let's help these people out. share it. spread it. support it! «Saving Hubble» a new independent doc on the movement that essentially saved the Hubble Space Telescope project ... this is a powerful documentary that reminds us all that when we fight for space, things get done. at a time where the world is in disarray and too many excuses are used to back away from supporting space exploration, we must realize that these are not pointless endeavors, these are the portals for our evolution, past greed and war, and these are projects that do create jobs and support industries and therefore people!
the doc's crowdfunding site is here: http://www.rockethub.com/11188
trailer is here: http://vimeo.com/58957564
it also has lovely footage of our lady Endevour soaring through the skies with our most beloved space probe - the lady who would also later come to its rescue - and interviews with the crews of that mission and the repair mission later on.
our ladies and those men are the reason why we must all fight for the NASA Webb Telescope project which is set to replace the Hubble and take our space vision into realms never before seen. they rose to the challenge again and again. we must stand by their legacy and fight for the next generation of space telescopes.
Hubble expanded our knowledge of the universe to depths we never thought possible and it did so because people backed space exploration. do bear in mind that 3 months after its deployment Hubble had broken all expectations regarding what it would accomplish ... just imagine what the Webb will do for our knowledge of the universe! and consequently ourselves ...
support NASA and space exploration. support the people who never give up! and if you have any doubts about any of this, the greatness of the work involved in the Hubble repair mission will remove them all and clarify what happens when people refuse to accept that there is nothing that can't be done!!
the doc's crowdfunding site is here: http://www.rockethub.com/11188
trailer is here: http://vimeo.com/58957564
it also has lovely footage of our lady Endevour soaring through the skies with our most beloved space probe - the lady who would also later come to its rescue - and interviews with the crews of that mission and the repair mission later on.
our ladies and those men are the reason why we must all fight for the NASA Webb Telescope project which is set to replace the Hubble and take our space vision into realms never before seen. they rose to the challenge again and again. we must stand by their legacy and fight for the next generation of space telescopes.
Hubble expanded our knowledge of the universe to depths we never thought possible and it did so because people backed space exploration. do bear in mind that 3 months after its deployment Hubble had broken all expectations regarding what it would accomplish ... just imagine what the Webb will do for our knowledge of the universe! and consequently ourselves ...
support NASA and space exploration. support the people who never give up! and if you have any doubts about any of this, the greatness of the work involved in the Hubble repair mission will remove them all and clarify what happens when people refuse to accept that there is nothing that can't be done!!
5.2.13
traffic girl
random extracts of early night talks:
friend: you know, Traffic Girl is you, i don't fully understand the words, but i understand enough of the chorus to get it (that sick riff is you) but the second i read that name i thought 'ana'. your stillness is an illusion, you're one of the hardest people to 'touch' i ever met.
me: you are who you are. i've never said i'm an easy person to get and/or deal with. you have me, just not in your terms, accept it and let's move on.
friend: you know, Traffic Girl is you, i don't fully understand the words, but i understand enough of the chorus to get it (that sick riff is you) but the second i read that name i thought 'ana'. your stillness is an illusion, you're one of the hardest people to 'touch' i ever met.
me: you are who you are. i've never said i'm an easy person to get and/or deal with. you have me, just not in your terms, accept it and let's move on.
4.2.13
Auster
people who matter, things that matter, even if they're the last things ... sometimes the last things are the ones you really, really need. Paul Auster turned 66 yesterday, he gave reading back to me and for that i shall always carry him in my heart ...
“If it is true that we can ever come to know another human being, even to a small degree, it is only to the extent that he is willing to make himself known.” Paul Auster, The Invention of Solitude
1.2.13
10 years to the day
10 years to the day since we lost our lady Columbia ...
«On January 16th, we saw our loved ones launch into a brilliant, cloud-free sky. Their hearts were full of enthusiasm, pride in country, faith in their God, and a willingness to accept risk in the pursuit of knowledge -- knowledge that might improve the quality of life for all mankind. Columbia's 16–day mission of scientific discovery was a great success, cut short by mere minutes -- yet it will live on forever in our memories. We want to thank the NASA family and people from around the world for their incredible outpouring of love and support. Although we grieve deeply, as do the families of Apollo 1 and Challenger before us, the bold exploration of space must go on. Once the root cause of this tragedy is found and corrected, the legacy of Columbia must carry on -- for the benefit of our children and yours.»
The Columbia Crew Families
«On January 16th, we saw our loved ones launch into a brilliant, cloud-free sky. Their hearts were full of enthusiasm, pride in country, faith in their God, and a willingness to accept risk in the pursuit of knowledge -- knowledge that might improve the quality of life for all mankind. Columbia's 16–day mission of scientific discovery was a great success, cut short by mere minutes -- yet it will live on forever in our memories. We want to thank the NASA family and people from around the world for their incredible outpouring of love and support. Although we grieve deeply, as do the families of Apollo 1 and Challenger before us, the bold exploration of space must go on. Once the root cause of this tragedy is found and corrected, the legacy of Columbia must carry on -- for the benefit of our children and yours.»
The Columbia Crew Families
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